CROSSDRESSER WIVES
I was thinking of crossdresser wives when I decided to create this page in the hopes of helping them understand us a bit more. Girlfriends will appreciate it also but I have more experiences with wives as much of my crossdressing experiences have been around couples. Regardless of the couples status women have pretty much the same confusion and associated questions. We are the source of that confusion which is why I though this page might be helpful.
Regardless of how the couple first meets there is a physical attraction or interest based on our projection of ourselves. With few exceptions it is definitely male gender projection which varies according to individual personalities. Like everyone else some will be loud and attract attention while others are more laid back and maybe even shy. Either way we have pretty much all the same attributes that any male you know or have known possesses. Based on that initial attraction if interests and all things are compatible marriage becomes a possibility. If you get to this point you are confident you know this person well and any minor dislikes are accepted.
TELLING HER
When and how the woman is told is very important and ideally it is before the marriage. There are reasons why not every woman is that fortunate. Crossdressers born before 1960 probably did not know what to tell her. In my case I thought I was the only person on the planet who did what I did so there was no name for it. It wasn’t until I was 21 and already married for two years. When I did broach the subject, she said OK, but I don’t want to ever see it. She never did until the marriage ended about a year later for different reasons.
PURGING
In some cases, the guy is so deep into the relationship that the drive to crossdress is far less of a desire. In some cases, it doesn’t seem present at all. Some guys conclude that its now long behind them and they don’t plan to ever do it again. They are completely sincere and sometimes purge any feminine belongings they have acquired. Eventually they will discover it does not ever go away and comes back a few years down the line. Typically, this happens once family life falls into a routine with kids, school, work etc.
CONSEQUENCES
In my experience the fear of losing the wife is many times overwhelming and the major motivation in not telling her. It applies in either case because that fear is there even when he tells her up front because it can always lead to ultimate rejection. Once it sinks in that there is no cure and he will be doing it again no matter what he is at the crossroads.
If he tells her up front and everything blows up, he regrets it and thinks he should not have done it. If he decides to not tell her and do it in secret it will be stressful because he will always worry about getting caught. The stress shows in his personality and can lead to so much friction the marriage ends anyway. I know people who have done it both ways. The upfront method always works the best for a long-term relationship.
SHE THOUGHT SHE KNEW HIM
Regardless of how she finds out there are obviously going to be questions. This is because it is typically a big surprise even when told up front. Up until he tells her she had a good feeling that she knew him well. She thought they had no secrets assuming that is even possible. I think her biggest concern is his sexuality which has been unquestionably heterosexual. Most of my experience is with heterosexual crossdressers and for them the answer is yes which prompts the next question.
QUESTIONS
If you are heterosexual, then why do you dress like a woman? Are you trying to attract men? The reasons my differ slightly but admiration of women. I envy of their feminine style, and a feeling of calm and relaxation are pretty common. There is also the look and feel of women’s clothing seeing what you look like wearing them. In the puberty years there is a sexual component as in self-gratification. However, the crossdressing compulsion starts long before sexual activity. Some crossdressers that started at age 6 or 7 continue to actively dress into their 70’s or 80’s.
One of the key distinctions between crossdressers, transgender, and transsexual people is that for crossdressers it is an EVENT. It has a relatively short duration. The crossdresser who identifies as the male gender plans the event, gets dressed. Some go out, then change back after a few hours or a day. Most Transgender and transsexual people identify as female gender and it is a lifestyle with some living full time.
SECRECY
Crossdressers prefer to keep their dressing hidden so that it does not negatively impact the other 90 % of their day-to-day life. We prefer to be defined by our accomplishments as opposed to our crossdressing. That is why keeping it private is a high priority. It is much better to be known as club champion at the golf course based on your wins. Not for being the crossdresser that plays golf.
FRIENDSHIPS
Until most of us relocated a few years back we had what I called the “Pink Tee Foursome” it was made up of CHIC members that also played golf. We played about once per month the Sunday after our monthly CHIC meeting. After going out crossdressed for dinner and drinks on Friday night followed by the CHIC dinner on Saturday night also crossdressed with the wives we played on Sunday. We did not crossdress for golf but dressed in regular men’s golf attire. We usually played at one of several golf courses in Orange County.
None of us were champions by any stretch at golf but all accomplished in our professional careers. One scientist and three company presidents from manufacturing, construction, and wholesale distribution had a fun day of golf making fun of each other. We talked about good shots, bad wigs, great makeup, new golf balls, and women’s fashion. I have noticed most of the true crossdressers I have known enjoy at least one masculine recreational sport. It is not uncommon for them to be active in several sports so like crossdressing they are events with a time and place along with a duration.
PLANNING
You schedule the event, take the gear you need, suit up and play and when done go home. Crossdressing is the same thing provided you allow adequate time for it like the other activities. I set aside one weekend per month staying in a hotel in another town each time. I get ready, go out, have dinner and drinks with friends, return to the hotel for bed. In the morning I pack and go home until next month. Most of the long-term marriages in CHIC have some similar program limits that have been mutually agreed upon. It gives wives some relief knowing the odds of him being discovered are less if he does it far enough away. My wife added UBER to our agreement, so I don’t get in any trouble driving dressed.
IN PUBLIC
Some wives participate in the husband’s crossdressing by attending club meetings or dinners out in the beginning, but it seems to fade over time. Getting ready and going out dressed is exiting for him but a chore for her. Eventually they just opt out, and the crossdresser goes out solo. I think a level of trust has been built between them, and her comfort level has grown over time so she gives him more freedom. It’s a good idea for the crossdresser to plan some non crossdressing events for them as a couple that are based on her likes.
It is sometimes hard to adjust to but when a woman finds a man that she loves and checks all of the boxes there is a lot to be said for a little compromising. He is everything you love and more including wearing a dress once in a while.
